Something Like Olivia
by cc1989
Summary: A/O - Olivia drags Alex out for karaoke. Alex finally decides she's not satisfied with letting Brian Cassidy steal the woman of her dreams, so she sings Olivia a special song in a final act of desperation.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - this is something that popped into my head. I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me. _

_**Something Like Olivia**_

Rain droplets drizzled along the floor to ceiling window, leaving streaks of water that blurred and distorted the buildings and lights outside. _Fits my mood perfectly_, Alex thought as she shut the door to her office, turned the lock and passed by row after row of bleary windows. It had been a long day, full of tedious paperwork and hopeless cases. She ran a hand through her tousled hair, readjusted her glasses, and shifted from one foot to the other while she waited for the elevator.

"Hey, Alex!"

She turned at the voice, surprised that anyone was still up here at this hour. It was dark already and the rain was enough to dampen anyone's after-hours overtime-working itch. She was even more surprised at whom the voice belonged to. It was a certain dark haired detective jogging towards her, her leather jacket folded over her arm. Slowing as she reached Alex, the brunette was obviously out of breath, but she was positively glowing despite the rain and gloom happening outside.

"Liv, hey," Alex said, brow furrowing. She couldn't figure out what Olivia was doing there. Usually the two rarely saw each other, as Alex was no longer assigned to handle SVU's cases. They met up a few times every now and then but were both unbelievably busy. They had always been unbelievably busy. Things hadn't changed since they first met, back when Alex was the new kid on the block, back when everyone thought she was the IAB's personal narc. Over time, though, she wormed her way into their hearts, her complete and undeniable understanding and respect for the law combined with her tendency to bend it just a little bit for victims if she had to, and won the entire squad over.

They had been through so much together, Alex's fake death and departure to the Witness Protection Program, and then her surprise return to help put her 'killer' away for good. Alex often found herself missing Olivia and Elliot and Munch and Fin and Cragen, they had become her family over the years, the only family she had left after her mother passed away.

And here was Olivia, at her office, looking excited and flustered and Alex couldn't help but wonder why. Then all at once, Alex was confronted again with her emotions, her conflicting, confusing emotions that always seemed to pop up at these moments. Any moment that involved Olivia was a conflicting one, always had been. They had always been such perfect sparring partners, Olivia would search for a loophole, would wonder what they could do to get around this law or the next and Alex would strong arm her every time, explain that particular law and send her searching for another way, always another way. There were some moments when emotions between the two of them were so high, Alex wasn't sure what it was exactly they were fighting about. That passion could have so easily been transferred over into something else, something more. But it had never happened. All these years and nothing had ever happened between them.

If she had one regret in her life, it would be the regret of never taking a chance with Olivia Benson. Of never mustering up the courage to do something about her feelings, of never having tasted Olivia's lips, of never having felt her hidden expanses of skin, her gorgeous, olive skin. Of never having the pleasure of waking up in the morning with those brown eyes gazing lovingly at her from across the pillow.

And now, Olivia was taken.

Alex heard about it through the usual office gossip earlier that day. A group of interns casually standing by the copy machine happened to be chatting about it as she walked past. She heard Olivia's name, mentioned in conjunction with that slime ball Brian Cassidy, that blast from the past, and she stopped in her tracks. Trying not to appear too eager or stalker-ish, she eased her way back towards the group and listened closer. They said something about Munch and the new detective, Amaro, who had taken Elliot's place investigating Cassidy for rape. When they got to his apartment, they were met by none other than a half-dressed Olivia Benson herself. Unbelievable. To say that she was heartbroken would be a little extreme. She understood that Olivia, a fully grown single woman, was completely free to date anyone she wanted. And Olivia had dated a plethora of guys over the years, but none of those idiots were anywhere near good enough for her. They were either jerks who got off on what she did for a living, or they were too close to the job itself, or they were Brian Cassidy: the worst of them all.

Olivia told her about Cassidy back then, how he wasn't cut out for the job, claimed he didn't have what it took to be an SVU detective, that he asked to be transferred to narcotics. But Olivia figured his transfer had a lot more to do with what happened between the two of them. Their one night stand turned into something he wanted more of, and she felt exactly the opposite, and perhaps his pride was hurt too badly for him to show his face around the squad room. And now, all these years later, they were dating or sleeping together or something. Whatever it was now, it wasn't good. He was connected to prostitutes and pimps and yes, he was working undercover, but he was under suspicion there for a while of helping to set Captain Cragen up with his prostitute girlfriend, who ended up dead. Alex knew her suspicions and jealousies had no real basis and she couldn't judge him without knowing the full story, but even the sound of his name gave her a bad feeling. It just wasn't right. No one would be right for her.

So, needless to say, she felt a great many things as Olivia stood before her: regret, sadness, confusion, adrenaline beginning to pump through her veins, and the beginning of that familiar lick of desire from deep inside. She couldn't help it.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying not to sound too surprised.

"This is crazy, I know. And I probably should have called. You probably have plans, but I got a wild hair," Olivia said, smiling her half smile.

"A wild hair?" Alex asked, stepping into the elevator and turning to face Olivia as she pushed the button for the bottom floor.

"Yeah. I know it's been a while since we've gone out, but I think it's time for a girl's night. I think you and I are going to have a blast. We're gonna go out on the town and get wild. What do you say?" She really did look excited now.

"But it's raining," Alex didn't want to sound like a Debbie Downer but her mood after hearing the news and now seeing the once-again unavailable Olivia in front of her was not exactly good for going out on the town.

Olivia waved her hand dismissively. "It's Karaoke night down at McManus and I think we should go. We can do a duet. And drink a little. Yes? Say yes."

She looked so sweet with her big eyes and she was practically jumping up and down, so Alex couldn't say anything but yes. She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, staring straight ahead with a smile, and she could see Olivia grinning from the corner of her eye. "Fine," she said.

"Yes. Ok, good. Let's go right now."

"Right now! You're not even going to let me change clothes?" Alex turned abruptly towards her and gestured at herself. "I've been wearing this all day!"

Olivia eyed her mischievously. "You look great. You always do. And besides, it's late already so we're going now."

Sighing again, Alex stepped off the elevator and then stood to the side, allowing Olivia to take the lead. "After you," she said, unable to keep the smile out of her voice.

Outside, Alex stood uneasily at the open doorway to the courthouse, wishing she had thought to bring an umbrella when Olivia stepped past her, leaving a hint of clean laundry smell and something else that was pleasant but unidentifiable, something uniquely Olivia, and pulled out an oversized black umbrella from her jacket pocket allowing Alex to stand beneath it with her. She hailed a cab from the sidewalk, momentarily sacrificing the dry sleeve of her coat to wave him down. Holding the door for a still slightly perplexed Alex, she smiled warmly and followed the blonde into the car's backseat.

On the way to the bar, they chatted about work, about current cases and what the other had been up to recently, falling back into their old habit of easy companionship with one another. But before long, they pulled up in front of McManus, the partially secluded, hole-in-the-wall bar off 35th street. Olivia started to pull her wallet out to pay the driver, but Alex put a gentle hand on her arm. "You're taking me out. The least I can do is pay for the cab." Olivia pursed her lips and shrugged, stepping out into the rain and hurriedly snapping the umbrella open.

"Fine," she said over the sound of water splashing against concrete.

"Don't be affronted, detective. I'll let you buy my drinks." Alex couldn't help but sound flirtatious, she just hoped it wasn't too obvious.

Olivia laughed and Alex couldn't help herself; she smiled and tried to push away the giddy feeling she always had when she managed to make the usually stoic detective display any sort of happy emotion.

The few and far between occasions she had been to this bar with Olivia, Alex usually enjoyed herself. It was a fun place, sort of rustic and ancient feeling but with a definite New York City flair. The huge bar was the focal point, dark wood that looked fancy from far away but up close it was riddled with carvings and hearts and all sorts of signatures. There was a shiny golden foot rest beneath the bar and pictures of an eclectic variety covered the exposed brick walls. Black and white scenes of the city sat in frames next to odd photographs of animals, cats and dogs and some thoroughbred horses, there were even some people interspersed here and there. A few celebrities who frequented the place but mostly random people the owner thought interesting enough to feature on the wall.

The stage in the corner was already occupied with a karaoke singer, a young man singing a sad song about rain. It sounded like country, so Alex didn't listen too closely. She and Olivia found empty seats at the partially crowded bar and sat down, waiting for the bartender to notice them.

Olivia ordered first, telling the bartender she wanted a scotch on the rocks, and Alex eyed her playfully, nudging her with her elbow. "That's what I was going to order."

"Beat you to it," Olivia said and nodded to the bartender. "Make it two, and put them both on my tab, please." He set about making their drinks, and Alex turned on her stool to face Olivia, watching as the brunette mirrored her action.

"So. What are we planning on singing?"

Olivia thought for a moment and shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. I've never really done karaoke before. What do you like to sing?"

Mouth dropping open, Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?" she almost screeched. "Okay, first of all, you drag me down here in my work clothes convincing me that we're going to have a 'wild night' and you've never even done karaoke? And second of all, what kind of a person has never done karaoke?"

Throwing her head back to laugh heartily, Olivia grinned, shrugging again. "It seemed like a fun idea at the time. I just thought I would try something new with you."

At first Alex didn't know what to say. She thought about all the ways she could interpret that last statement and thought better of it. It was best not to read too deeply into anything Olivia Benson said. She was a very private person and the chances of her meaning anything more than what she said were slim to none, especially with her current dating situation. Brian Cassidy. The bastard.

Finally, she settled for vague. "Well, we'll have to remedy your lack of experience right away. I'm going to need a few of these drinks before I get up on any stage, though," Alex joked.

Nodding, Olivia reached for the whiskey that just arrived and raised it to clink glasses gently with Alex's. "Here's to new things," she said with a half-smile.

. . . .

Two scotches and one beer later, Alex could feel the alcohol seeping into her system. Her brain was feeling a little slower, her words wouldn't quite come out like she wanted them to and her mood felt considerably better. Except of course for that nagging thought at the back of her mind. That one about Olivia. She was still unhappy about the unwanted news she heard earlier that day. It could have been days old news, who knows, but it still wasn't something she wanted to hear. The brunette returned from the bathroom and sat down heavily in the stood next to Alex's. And there was that smell again, that wonderful smell unique to Olivia. She tried to look like she wasn't visibly sniffing the air as she glanced down at her beer bottle, unconsciously peeling the label off the glass.

Olivia leaned into her and nudged her lightly, grinning. "You ever heard what they say about people who peel the label off their bottle?"

Alex's fingers froze. She had heard, but she hadn't realized she was doing it. "I just uh . . . need something to do with my hands," Alex said, smiling nervously as she took a sip of her beer.

"I know, that's what I'm talking about," Olivia laughed, obviously enjoying the deer-in-headlights look form the attorney. "Anyway. You ready to sing? I already put our name and song in. We're next."

Alex's eyes shot up to meet Olivia's. "You're kidding. Already? What are we singing?"

"You're not nervous are you?" Olivia eyed her suspiciously. "Miss What Kind of a Person Hasn't Sung Karaoke."

She placed her beer on the bar a little harder than she intended, surprising the people near her with a loud _thunk_. Ignoring their stares, she stood up. "Of course not. Let's do this." There was nothing Alex Cabot loved more than a challenge. Except maybe the thought of Olivia Benson's hands on her body. _Whoops, _she thought. _Keep that mind out of the gutter._ They walked together over to the stage as an older woman's song ended. Everyone clapped and cheered, as it was getting late and people were beginning to drink enough to the point where just about anything sounded pretty damn good.

Up on the stage, Olivia handed Alex the extra microphone. "What did you say we were singing?" Alex asked.

"I didn't. But you'll love it," Olivia said, turning to face the screen with a serious look on her face. Alex wished she could see more of this playful side of Olivia. Usually she was so beaten down and haunted by all the years in SVU. Tonight was a good night for the detective. The opening notes to a very familiar song pulled Alex out of her reverie. "Oh shit," she murmured away from the mic and glanced over at Olivia. "Really?"

It was Aretha Franklin's _Respect_.

Alex rolled her eyes and just went with it. She was pretty buzzed and it looked like Olivia was too. They took turns singing back up for each other. Alex had the _just a just a just a_ part while Olivia belted out the reasons why she wanted some respect. And Olivia backed up Alex at the _sock it to me_ part. Dancing around the stage, bobbing their heads and pointing to people at the bar and on the sparse dance floor, all of it was a blast. A few people wolf-whistled and yelled out for an encore, but all that dancing took a lot of energy. Alex couldn't stop laughing when the song ended. She doubled over at the bar and grabbed hold of Olivia's upper arm, not missing the feel of toned muscles beneath her shirt.

"Oh my god, Liv. That was incredible," she said, trying to catch her breath. Olivia was laughing and taking a sip of the fresh beer that appeared out of nowhere.

"It really was," she said. "And look, someone liked it so much, they bought us beer!"

"Yes!" Alex cried out as she bowed to her nonexistent fans, reaching out for her beer.

"Alex, this has been really fun. I'm so glad you agreed to come out with me tonight." Olivia said, a little more serious now that the next singer had taken the stage to scattered applause.

"It's not like you gave me much choice. You practically dragged me out of my office."

"Yeah right, Alex. I knew you were a sucker for karaoke. I could sense it."

Smiling into her beer, Alex felt a pang of longing. She wanted to be around Olivia more often, not to see her every now and then, waiting for her to show up with a wild hair. She wanted to see Olivia smile and laugh and enjoy the wonderful things about life every single day. Knowing exactly how hard it was being around SVU day in and day out, Alex couldn't help but wonder how Olivia kept herself together like she did. Most detectives didn't make it more than a couple years. She knew it was a combination of things: the family Olivia had made for herself at the 1-6, all those detectives who had been around for almost as long as she had, and in Munch's case, even longer. And Olivia was the most driven woman Alex had ever met. There was no one more dedicated to helping victims than the woman sitting next to her.

But at that moment, Olivia seemed happy. She must have been in pretty good place, having connected with Cassidy again and finally established herself a committed relationship. Love looked good on Olivia Benson, even if it wasn't with the person Alex thought she should be with. She felt the heaviness of disappointment weighing on her shoulders and looked over at her brunette companion. And she realized something.

This woman was a one-in-a-million. Sure she was married to the job, but so was Alex. Sure she had commitment problems but that might be all in the past. Alex felt a bit hopeful. And determined. And suddenly, her pang of longing turned into an idea, a buzzed idea if there ever was one. She wanted to sing a song for Olivia. And not just any song. If there was ever a time to test the waters and really see if she would ever have a shot with this incredible woman, it was right then. She didn't want to think about how much regret she would feel if Olivia ended up marrying the bastard and being stolen away from her forever.

She had the absolute perfect song. A friend who was interested in vinyl records and all the hubbub about sound quality and all that recently bought John Mayer's album. It came with an extra CD and she gave it to Alex, who still listened to CDs at her apartment, as ancient as that practice might be. She remembered how eerie she felt listening to John sing all about Olivia and how much he needed a love like hers. And that was before she knew about Cassidy. Sure, he didn't want to steal anyone's girl, but he did want everyone to know what his idea of a perfect woman was. So now, Olivia really was taken, and the song was absolutely perfect.

Without even looking at Olivia, she took a swig of her beer and marched her way to the stage. There was no one on the stage, no one in line. It was the perfect lull, and she could feel Olivia's eyes on the back of her head. But she didn't care. She rifled quickly through the binder labeled for the year 2012-2013 and quickly found the number. Handing it to the DJ, she stepped up on the stage, grabbed hold of the mic and cleared her throat.

When the music started, she closed her eyes, smiling to herself. She really did like the song. It was bluesy and had a great beat. It sounded like something off a Stevie Ray Vaughan record.

"_**Well, Olivia's taken, But a look like hers can be found from time to time**__," _she sang, trying to make her usually soprano voice match the tone and she ended up making her voice sound gravel-y, like she had recently woken up from a deep sleep and hadn't used her voice in a while.

"_**I'm thinking, something like Olivia . . . is what I need to find**__,"_ and she looked up, searching for the brunette at the bar. She was right where Alex had left her, leaning against the bar and staring at her, open-mouthed with her beer still in hand. She continued, moving her head now to the music.

"_**There's only one man in this world, Who gets to sleep with her by his side**__,"_ A few people were listening, but she didn't care what they thought of her singing voice, the fact that she missed a few too many notes, and that she was singing directly to a detective whose name happened to be in the song.

"_**I'm thinking something like Olivia, Can keep me through the night**__," _And the next part was one she didn't completely agree with. She wouldn't mind stealing her away from Cassidy one bit.

"_**Now I'm not trying to steal, No love away from no one man**__,"_ she repeated the line, staring right into Olivia's eyes, making sure she knew who the song was for and why she was singing it.

"_**But if Olivia herself were at my door, I'd have to say I'd let her in,"**_John must have read her mind. He apparently wouldn't mind stealing Olivia away either, if the opportunity presented itself.

"_**Something like Olivia. I keep thinking something like Olivia, Is what I need to find."**_

She finished the song, and the crowd clapped for her, but her eyes were glued to one person. Olivia had set her beer down and was unsure of herself as she clapped along with everyone else. Her brow furrowed as Alex approached her. And now that she had gotten the hard part over with it, Alex didn't quite know what to say.

"Alex, that was . . . What was that?" Olivia asked, dipping her head a bit as she tended to do when she really wanted an answer out of someone.

Alex ran a hand through her hair. "Well, that was . . . um . . . a song for you."

"I could see that, but I don't understand." She still looked confused, and Alex looked up, exasperated.

"It's not blaringly clear, Liv?" When the detective shook her head, Alex sighed. "I meant every word of that song."

"You did?" _Well, shit._ Alex thought. _I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't prepared for a failure. _But that was another of Alex's qualities, always expecting to get what she wanted, she wasn't used to people saying no.

"Yes, I did. But I know that I probably should've kept my big mouth shut. You're obviously happy now with Cassidy and I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

Olivia's head moved back and her eyebrows knitted together. "Cassidy? Alex, what are you talking about?"

Shaking her head, Alex stepped back, wanting to find a quick exit or maybe the bathroom to throw up her humiliation. "Liv, you don't have to hide. I heard the water-cooler gossip today. I know about you and Cassidy. That's why you're so happy tonight."

"Oh," Olivia said, running her own hand through her hair. And as Alex nodded her understanding and acceptance of defeat, Olivia stood up straighter and grabbed her arm. "Alex, wait. No. You don't have the whole story."

"The whole story?" _Do I even want to know?_

"Yes. Look, yes, Brian and I dated after he was shot and everything that happened with Cragen. I knew he was innocent and it was nice being with him. He's a lot of fun and a great guy."

"That sounds like what I already knew," Alex said, her voice even.

"Let me finish, Alex. Quit being such a lawyer."

Rolling her eyes, Alex relaxed a little, sitting down on her stool and watching as Olivia did the same. They both had abandoned their drinks, realizing that now was not the time to be under the influence.

"Everything was great until he was accused of rape. He was innocent again, of course, and the trial was a real mess. You would have handled it much better," And at this, Alex smiled. _Flatterer_.

"But he and I got into a fight. He told me exactly what happened and I said okay. He just couldn't believe that I trusted him and believed him. But I really did. I know what kind of a guy he is and I knew he wouldn't lie to me."

"Anyway, when the trial was over after his accuser recanted, I told him I was glad it was all over and he threw it in my face, saying he wasn't sure if I ever believed him at all. I was so mad at him, you know?"

Alex nodded, not completely sure that this wasn't a dream. Was Olivia really saying that she actually _wasn't _happy with Cassidy, that they weren't really together?

"So, he took off. I don't know, I guess he never trusted me at all. So here I am."

"But, Liv. I don't understand. Surely you were sad about him leaving and not trusting you. Right?"

"Of course I was. I really did like him. But it's been about a week or so and I still haven't heard from him. I guess the gossip at the courthouse is a bit out of the loop. Old news. And I'm not going to waste my time worrying about some asshole who can't trust me. And for no fault of my own. I'm over it."

Looking into her eyes, Alex saw that she was being completely honest, that she was really okay with the way things worked out.

"So why the sudden decision to go out and invite me along?" And at this, Olivia smiled. Alex thought she detected a slight blush but she couldn't be sure with the darkness of the bar.

"I don't know Alex, I guess I realized something today. I got to thinking about you. I don't know what it was that reminded me of you, but I just realized how much I missed you. And I think it took hearing what Cassidy had to say to see that. I realized that you would never lose faith in me. You've been there for me all these years, after everything we've been through. If you were accused of something, you would know without a doubt that I was behind you one hundred percent." She paused, looked down at her hands.

"It was one of those moments. One of those epiphanies I guess. I realized I wanted to be spending time with you, not wasting time with anyone else. Especially not with someone who doesn't trust me."

Again, Alex didn't know what to say. They were dancing around something here. She could feel it.

Olivia turned away from her for a moment, focused her attention on the bartender and asked to pay her tab. When she looked back, she was smiling.

"So that song." She started, reaching out for one of Alex's hands. The blonde couldn't stop the shiver that ran through her at Olivia's touch. She held Alex's hand in her own, staring down at it, seemingly memorizing its details, feeling the skin and muscles and tendons and bones with her own fingers. Alex's eyes searched Olivia's face, and finally their eyes met and Alex laughed gently.

"What about it?"

"You really meant it?" Her brown eyes were sparkling and earnest.

"Of course I did. Didn't you see me walk up there and belt it out like it was the end of the world?"

She had succeeded in making Olivia laugh again, and she began to memorize for herself the feel of Olivia's hand in her own, wishing, wondering if this could be real, if she might actually feel this all the time.

"I saw you all right. I just can't believe you feel the same way about me," Olivia said quietly.

"That's ridiculous. You've been dating all these guys for all these years and now you're telling me you've had . . . what? Feelings for me this entire time?" Alex couldn't believe that. It was unreal.

"Alex," Olivia said, reaching up with her free hand to gently caress the strong line of Alex's jaw. "Trust me."

And she did. Her eyes fluttered closed as Olivia leaned in closer and closer, finally pressing her lips against Alex's. She pressed harder, moving her mouth now and standing up to move between Alex's legs on the barstool. The feelings surging through Alex's veins and the roaring inside her ears was so intense she thought she might pass out. Her own hands reached up to touch Olivia's arms, her face, anything she could. Anything to tell her this was real.

They broke apart, and Alex opened her eyes to stare directly into Olivia's. She put a hand up to her lips, feeling the moisture there and realizing that it was actually happening. "God, Liv."

"I know," Olivia replied, smiling. "What the hell were we thinking all these years?"

The bartender cleared his throat.

They both turned to him and blushed furiously. He looked a bit embarrassed himself, as if he had just interrupted a very private moment. Which he had. "Here's your bill," he said quietly, turning and busying himself with the other patrons.

"Let's get out of here," Alex said as her companion left an appropriate amount of cash. She grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her towards the door, barely remembering their coats and umbrella hanging near the entryway.

"Where to?"

"I don't care, Liv," Alex said, smiling. She wrapped her arms around the detective beneath the umbrella in the pouring rain and pulled her close. They moved together, mouths parting and exploring new and unfamiliar places and Alex knew she would never be kissed like that again by anyone else besides the woman in her arms. "I'll go anywhere with you."

…


	2. Chapter 2

**Something Like Olivia – Chapter 2**

_A/N - I don't have much to say. I've been watching 'my drunk kitchen' and I've been drinking. So, I hope this is good. I edited a couple times. Enjoy!_

"Let's go back to my place. It's close," Alex whispered in her ear, finally able to break away from the dark-headed detective's searing kiss.

Olivia hailed a cab for the second time that night, not seeming to care that her coat sleeve was now drenched. Alex didn't care either, about the rain, about the cab, about anybody around them, all she cared about was the woman in her arms, finally, finally in her arms. It was still almost too much to wrap her mind around, still something that couldn't possibly be happening, after only one night of karaoke, a few drinks and a conversation that had taken them both to a place Alex never thought she would reach.

But sometimes that's all it takes, a little honesty, and there they were together in the cab, Olivia's hand on her thigh, her lips on Alex's neck, and Alex still wondering how it was possible. A few minutes ago, she was singing her heart out drunkenly on a stage to the woman she thought for sure was taken, and now . . . It was too much. She took Olivia's face in both hands and pushed her mouth hungrily onto the other woman's. Their tongues dueled for dominance and Alex marveled at how she could be so turned on while simultaneously feeling fearful of taking things too far too soon. The last thing she wanted was for this to be a one night stand. For this night not to mean as much to Olivia as it did for her. To be just another of Olivia Benson's past lovers, on the list of people who couldn't measure up to the detective and her needs.

But before she knew it, the cabby had pulled up outside her apartment, and she reluctantly, again, pulled away from the detective, scrounged around in her purse for cash and overpaid the man a little. She didn't care. Olivia Benson's hand was in her own and they were making their way to the elevator.

Alex nodded at the doorman, who grinned and winked conspiratorially at the couple as the elevator doors closed on the women unable to keep their hands off each other.

At her door, Olivia's eyes were hooded, glazed over with lust and alcohol and what looked liked a little sleepiness. As Alex unlocked and opened the door, the detective shut it behind them, locked it, and pulled the blonde towards her, pressing their bodies together against the heavy wood. They kissed again and Alex was breathless. Things were quickly about to go too far, those endless brown eyes and incredible mouth were torturous.

"Would you like something to drink?" Alex asked, her mind a little fuzzy with pure joy and whiskey from the bar. "Sure," Olivia said.

"Make yourself comfortable, and I'll bring you something."

Olivia walked away from her and Alex briefly enjoyed the view, gazing appreciatively at the detective's backside. As if she could feel eyes on her, Olivia glanced around before she sat down on the couch, catching the blonde red-handed as she gawked. Alex immediately closed her mouth and grinned sheepishly, moving quickly to the kitchen to make drinks.

"See something you like, Alex?" Alex glanced up at her from the kitchen counter, open to the living room, where she was busying her hands with ice cubes and whiskey. She could feel the blush creep up her neck to her cheeks. Alex Cabot never blushed.

"You even have to ask that?" Her voice came out more confident than she felt. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies, as if she were back in high school, awkwardly nervous about her first date. Olivia had been to her apartment several times over the years and vice versa, it shouldn't have been a big deal to have her sitting in the next room, but now things were very different between them. Now they had acted on an impulse shoved down and ignored for an entire decade. So she felt slightly justified in her nervousness as she finished pouring and made her way to the couch to sit next to the dark haired woman.

"Do I make you nervous?" Olivia asked, their hands brushing lightly when Alex offered the glass. The blonde hesitated, she hated to admit weakness, but felt safe enough with Olivia to do so.

"Of course you do. I've wanted you for years and now we've made out in a bar and in a cab and an elevator and here you are sitting on my couch." Alex smiled into her drink, amazed that the sentence was true and took a sip. The liquid burned hot into her belly, and she hoped it would soothe her frazzled nerves.

"I'm nervous too, though. If it makes you feel any better."

Their eyes met and Alex smiled again. She nodded. "It does."

"I want to date you." The sentence was unexpected, and Alex didn't quite know what to say. She stared at Olivia, eyes wide.

"I . . . okay. I would like that. A lot, actually."

"Good," Olivia said. "I don't know what I'd do if you said no."

"You knew I wasn't going to say no."

Olivia grinned, taking a drink, looking like she needed something to do with her hands more than anything.

"I know. But I thought it would be chivalrous to ask, at least. Rather than just dragging you along against your will to the theater and to movies and the park and dinner."

"I can't wait and it wouldn't be against my will. Not even close," Alex said, standing up. "I've got to go to the bathroom, if you'll excuse me."

"So proper."  
"Shut it."

It was Alex's turn to feel eyes on her as she walked to the hall bathroom.

"See something you like, Detective?" She asked, with a quick, mischievous glance back as she shut the door behind her. Her heart welled up with feelings when she heard the dark haired woman's low chuckle.

A few minutes later, Alex opened the door to the bathroom, walked out and stopped abruptly at the sight in front of her. Olivia had her head back on the couch, mouth open, fast asleep. Alex had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing aloud. Poor Olivia. It must have been way past her bedtime. The blonde looked down at her watch. 2:15 am. Wow, it really was late. She smiled at how nervous she'd been about anything that might happen when she got the detective back to her apartment after the heavy make out session in the cab. Nervous, definitely. Turned on, even more so. But by now Alex had cooled off and was glad to have the pressure off. After all, she had fantasized about what things would be like with the sulky detective for years and didn't want to disappoint.

Turning down the hall, she opened a closet and reached up to grab a spare blanket and pillow. Back in the living room, she tossed them to the couch and knelt down in front of Olivia, pulling her boots off one by one. No stinky feet. That was good, at least. She smiled at herself.

"Liv," she said quietly, close to the detective. The brunette stirred, eyes cracking open slowly. "Hmm?"

"Lie down, and I'll tuck you in." She sat up a little straighter.

"Oh, I fell asleep, Alex. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I'm tired too." But as she spoke, Olivia drifted back off to sleep. Alex looked down at her couch, pondering what to do. She had spent quite a few nights here, papers all around her, trying to prepare for court. It was comfortable enough, and she knew that Olivia had done the same thing at her own apartment countless times, but the bed seemed so much more appealing. But how to get the detective there? Carrying her was probably out of the question. She would have to be more creative.

Leaning in close, still on her knees, she put her lips against Olivia's ear. Her hands supported her weight on the detective's thighs. "Liv," Alex whispered, but she didn't stir. "Liv, come to bed with me."

At this, Olivia's eyes cracked open again and Alex pulled away to watch her face and smirked at her predictability.  
"To sleep. It's much more comfortable than the couch."

"Okay," Olivia said, and made to stand. Alex stood up first and held out a hand. The brunette took it, allowing herself to be helped up and led to the bedroom as Alex switched off lights on the way.

"Which side is yours?" Olivia asked sleepily, pointing to the bed. Alex turned and smiled, pointing to the left side, furthest from the door and resumed rummaging around in her dresser for t-shirts. She found an old Harvard law shirt, big enough to sleep in and tossed it to Olivia.

"Thanks," she said as she stripped off her clothes and tossed them over the back of a chair, probably thinking that Alex was picky about having stuff all over her floor, as her apartment was usually clean. She pulled on the t-shirt over just her underwear and turned to look at the blonde. Alex already had her own t-shirt on and was staring directly at the detective, caught gawking again like a deer in headlights. She looked down quickly and got into bed. Olivia grinned and crawled in next to her and Alex was as nervous as ever, wondering why she didn't just leave the brunette on the couch. But Olivia didn't seem to mind their close proximity, she reached out and pulled Alex close, allowing the blonde to turn over in her arms and press her back into Olivia's front.

Alex wondered if Olivia could hear her heart beating from where she was, and she tried to calm herself down long enough to enjoy the feel of the woman's body pressed up behind her, with the only thing separating them a pair of t-shirts.

"Good night, Alex." Olivia murmured quietly into the attorney's neck, tickling her gently with warm breath.

Alex sighed, and told herself to relax. "Goodnight Liv," she said back, but all she heard were the even sounds of the brunette's breathing, signaling that she was already asleep.

Sunlight filtered in through the blinds the next morning, bright and warm on her face. Alex couldn't remember the last time she woke up this rested and refreshed, and it must have been how warm and comfortable she was in the arms of the woman behind her. _Wait_, Alex thought quickly, _what woman behind her? Ah yes, Olivia._

She thought back to the night before and rolled her eyes in embarrassment. Had she really got up on stage and sung her heart out for Olivia? On the other hand, though, Olivia was now in her bed, snuggled up close with her left arm draped around Alex's midriff and her lips perilously close to the back of her neck. So the embarrassment of singing in front of an entire bar as well as the slight hangover she now felt were both absolutely worth it.

Sighing in contentment, Alex reached down and intertwined her fingers with the hand resting along her stomach. The fingers responded and the body behind her stirred as the detective woke.

"Mmmm . . . Good morning."

Alex turned in her arms, allowing both of Olivia's arms to wrap around her, and her own hands seemed to be old pros at finding their way around the brunette's body. Why hadn't they done this sooner?

"Morning, Liv. Sleep well?"

She nodded, blinking sleep out of her eyes in the bright sunlight.

"Mm hmm, you're like the best dose of ambien I've ever had. Where have you been the last ten years?"

Alex chuckled lightly, rolling her eyes. "I was just thinking the same thing. You want breakfast?"

"I would love breakfast, yes. And coffee."

"Coffee is a given. Mmmm but I don't want to get out of bed . . ." Alex complained, burrowing her head into the crook of Olivia's neck.

"I know what you mean. This feels . . . I dunno. Right, I guess. It feels right."

"Yes, it does."

After a few moments of silence, Alex thought she might drift back off to sleep, so she disentangled herself from the brunette's arms and made her way to the bathroom. When she came out, teeth brushed and face washed and feeling much more refreshed, Olivia was no longer in the room and had made the bed neatly, if a little differently than Alex usually made it.

Out in the kitchen, there were sounds of pots and pans banging together and water running in the sink. Alex approached the kitchen and took in the sight of Olivia standing in her kitchen, wearing Alex's t-shirt and her own slacks from the night before.

"What would you like?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Wow, you make my bed, and now you're offering to make me breakfast. How did I get so lucky?"

Olivia glanced up at her, smiled and kept her hands busy. "Alex, we both know that if anyone is going to be cooking breakfast around here, it's probably going to be me."

Laughing, Alex nodded as she moved around the bar to start making coffee. "I know, I know. We don't want the apartment to burn down."

"Seriously though, what do you normally eat for breakfast?"

With a straight face, Alex answered. "Toast. That's pretty hard to screw up, isn't it? I have toast, sometimes an English muffin, and coffee."

"The breakfast of champions. Well it's better than nothing, I guess."

They were sitting down at the table, about to dig into fried eggs when Olivia's phone rang.

"You've got to be kidding," she said when the name came up as Amanda Rollins on her screen.

"Work?" Alex asked, her heart sinking. She had hoped they would be able to spend the day together.

Olivia nodded as she answered. "It's Sunday, Rollins."

Alex could barely make out an excited voice on the other end from where she sat, and all of her hopes were thoroughly dashed at the look on Olivia's face.

"Okay, okay. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

As she hung up the phone, Olivia turned her head to Alex, regret written all over her features.

"This is supposed to be my day off."

"So you just pack up and run off to any old blonde who calls you and says they need you?"

Olivia smiled as she stood up and piled her egg onto a piece of toast to take on the road.

"No, Alex. You're the only blonde for me. You always have been."

At that, she leaned down and kissed Alex sweetly on the lips, lingering for a long moment, enjoying the feeling. As they broke apart, Alex kept her eyes closed and frowned. She wanted more.

"Don't go, Liv. Stay with me. . ."

Alex was joking, of course. She knew that Olivia had to go, and she would have done the same thing if someone from the office had called her, but today was supposed to be relaxing and a fresh start and . . .

"I'm sorry, Alex." And she really did look sorry. But Alex knew that she was practically married to the job. That if it wasn't important, she wouldn't have been called in.

"It's okay," Alex conceded. "There will be other Sundays."

"Yes. Thanks for the coffee. See you later. I'll call you."

"Okay," Alex said, resting her head on her hand as her front door shut and she took a forlorn bite of her toast.

After several hours of boredom and eventual reluctant apartment cleaning, Alex couldn't stand being inside any longer and went out for a run. It was a beautiful day and it was definitely a shame that Olivia had to work instead of spending it outside having a little fun.

She made her way back home after three miles around the park and was relieved to feel her phone vibrating as she let herself back into her apartment and headed for the sink.

"Hey," she said, plopping herself down on the couch and taking a big sip of cold water.

"Hey Alex," Liv said. Her tone was not promising.

"So you're gonna be at work for a while, huh?"

"Looks like it."

"Bad case?"

Alex knew firsthand how certain cases affected the people working them, sometimes certain perps or suspects would light a fire under you and nothing could stop you.

"Not yet, but only because we can't find any information on this guy. Amanda had a bad feeling about him, and now I do too. He's a really bad guy, Alex. I just know it."

"What do you have him for?"

"Public lewdness right now, but we're digging for more. We're hoping he'll take a plea deal so we can get some DNA."

"Okay," Alex said, standing up and heading to the bathroom to shower. "Well, let me know if you need anything. I guess I'll go in to work too."

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean to ruin your day off."

Alex shook her head and grinned into the phone. "I wasn't going to take a day off, Liv. Until you waltzed in and took me to karaoke and got me drunk, that is."

Alex loved the sound of Olivia's laugh from the other end of the line. "Well I hope you do something productive today, then."

"Me too."

"Oh and by the way, I only got one raised eyebrow in the whole precinct for my new Harvard Law shirt."  
"Oh god, Liv. You didn't." Olivia laughed and confirmed that indeed she had worn the shirt to work.

"Oh yes. I forgot I had it on, and Fin was the only one who noticed. If Cragen noticed, he didn't say anything about it."  
"But Fin did?"

"He's very perceptive, that guy. He'd make a good detective," she said with a laugh. "I told him you were just fine when he asked, though."

"Liv, you're terrible." Alex didn't know how to feel about someone knowing about them. Nothing had even really happened. Well, it had, but . . . Alex didn't quite know what to think about it.

"What was I supposed to do?" Olivia jested.  
"I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter, does it? We don't work together anymore."

"You're right. And Fin didn't look surprised."

Alex laughed. "Everyone could see it between us, couldn't they? Back in our sparring days."

"I think so."  
"Hmm. Okay. Well, be careful, and good luck with this guy."

"Thanks," Olivia said and they said goodbye and hung up.

"Hey"  
"Morning again."  
"You stayed at the precinct last night?"  
"Yeah, long story."  
"I've got time."  
"Okay," Olivia took a breath. "Well our perp, William Lucas, didn't take the plea deal yesterday. His lawyer got him off with no bail at arraignment."

"I thought Barba was supposed to be good?"

"He normally is, but she outsmarted him. They wanted the deal of course, but Lucas said no, that he plead not guilty. And then Barba tried to get remand, but his lawyer said 'wait, didn't you just say you would let him walk out of here if he took the deal?' And so they judge agreed and let him go."

"Hmm."

"Yeah, and then our key witness, Alice Parker, was brutalized, tortured and raped last night for sixteen hours."

"You're kidding."

"I wish. She told me it was him. So anyway, now we're looking for him. Fin and Rollins are gonna drop by the halfway house and stake him out. Amaro and I are on paperwork and making sure DNA from her apartment gets rushed through."

"Are you supposed to be telling me all this?"

Olivia gave a quiet laugh.

"You know I'm not. But you're our old ADA and a fresh set of ears can't hurt, right?"

"I suppose so. Where are you?"

"Outside. Needed a breath of fresh air."

"Well, I don't have much advice for you. As long as you've got DNA on him and your witness is okay. How is your witness by the way?"

"I think she's okay. She seems like a tough lady."  
"Okay, well I hope you find him before he hurts someone else."

_Later Monday_

Alex was home, relaxing with a glass of wine after her day. It couldn't have been any longer than Olivia's, but she hadn't spoken to the detective since earlier that morning. Now it was close to midnight and she was worried.

That man might still be out there, and he was dangerous, crazy enough to torture an old woman for an entire night. Alex had had her share of threats and actual terror with Velez and in witness protection, but Olivia was in danger almost every day.

It was stressful, and Alex still didn't understand how the brunette dealt with it all the time and for such a long time now.

Her phone buzzed. A text from Olivia. Alex opened her phone and scrolled to her texts.

**Fin and Rollins caught him. We're about to question him.**

_**Okay, text when you're through**_

Alex let out a sigh of relief, glad he was no longer out there, threatening innocent people. She sat back, took another sip of wine and hoped that Olivia would be able to come back to her apartment tonight.

….  
She woke up on the couch, wine glass empty on the coffee table, it felt late, and she heard familiar sirens, an almost constant in the city, something she missed during her time in witness protection.

Sitting up, scared what the sirens might mean for a certain detective, she felt around on the couch for her phone, finally locating it between the cushions. She had a text from Olivia.

**He lawyered up. Staying here again tonight. Maybe a lineup tomorrow**

She sent it at 1:38. That was two hours ago. She stood up, switched off the lights and went to bed.

_Tuesday_

The next day Alex decided to pay a visit to the 1-6. She couldn't stay away any longer, not after finally getting her hands on the detective. She simply had to see her. So she picked up a box of danishes and breakfast sandwiches from the bakery down the street and took a cab downtown.

"Cabot, what the hell are you doin' here?" Finn stood up and walked over to her, gave her a hug and then held her at arm's length.

"Just came by to see everyone, bring you guys some breakfast."

"You're kiddin'. I always knew you were my favorite ADA."

She set the food down on an empty table and looked around, trying to act nonchalant. Finn leaned towards her.

"Liv's down at the lab, picking up the DNA results."

Alex smiled, hoping she wouldn't blush. "You really are perceptive."

"Liv's talkin' shit again, huh?"

Alex laughed, and then her eyes brightened at the sight of her detective coming out of the elevator. Olivia's expression was surprised and then that quickly turned into a smile when she noticed the blonde sitting on her desk.

"Alex. Hey," Olivia said, as she handed the DNA results to Rollins and reached around Alex to grab a danish.

"You brought these?" She asked with a slightly full mouth and Alex nodded, shaking her head at the detective and her gusto with food, something that hadn't changed since the two first met.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"How's work, Alex? You miss us?" Fin asked as he looked over Amanda's shoulder to read the results.

"It's fine. Slow right now, which never happens. And I'm here aren't I?"

"You do miss us," Fin said with a smile.

"So, we've got him right?" Olivia asked. "His DNA had to have been everywhere."

Rollins nodded. "Yep. It's his alright. Now we just need to set up the lineup, get our positive ID."

"That's gonna be a problem," a voice came from behind them. It was Cragen, and he didn't look happy. "Hey Alex." He nodded at her.

"Why?" Olivia asked, sitting up in her chair.

"Lewis just tried to commit suicide. They've got him on watch at Bellevue. No lineup."

"Damn," Fin said, hitting his hand on his leg.

"He knows all the tricks. He did this on purpose," Olivia said, looking up at Cragen.

"Barba does too," Cragen said and walked back to his office.

Alex couldn't help but remember how it felt to be replaced in here by Novak all those years ago and how good it used to be when she was the ADA everyone turned to to get them out of impossible situations. She really did miss this place. These people, and how much they really did want justice for the victims.

Olivia must have noticed her far away expression and nudged her arm. "Come on, let's go outside."

Alex followed her out on to the street, took a deep breath of city air and stared at Olivia. Olivia's eyes looked tired, like she hadn't slept nearly enough.

"You okay, Liv?" She asked as they set off walking down the block together.

"Not really. The interview didn't go well last night."

Alex looked again at Olivia's expression and this time she saw the haunted look in her eyes, something had really scared her, had really gotten to her.

"What did he say to you?"

She took a deep breath. "Ugh, he was horrible Alex. Just horrible. Told me I'd be so lucky to have someone do to me what he did to that poor old woman."

"Disgusting. He's sick."

"He really is. I kept pushing harder, trying to get him to slip up and say something we could get him with, but he kept saying hypothetical stuff, describing everything he 'might' do."

"So there was nothing you could use as confession or for court?"

"No, but you should've seen his eyes. They were empty, no emotion except maybe a little hate. Or maybe a lot of hate. I could feel it coming off him. He hates women, despises them."

"Has Rollins found anything else out about him?"

"Not yet."

"Okay. Well, I've got to get to work."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later," Olivia said, and Alex started to walk away, but the brunette caught her arm, pulled her back.

She smiled as she wrapped Alex up in her arms on the sidewalk, and Alex smiled back, her blue eyes locked into Olivia's brown ones. There might as well be no one around, the streets could have been empty, or there might have been a parade, a huge crowd of people. It didn't matter, it was only Alex and Olivia, their lips pressing together, sharing something they both needed terribly in that moment. A kiss. An unashamed, perfect, life changing kiss out in the open.

"Wow," Alex said as she pulled back.

"Yeah," Olivia said, as flushed and pleased as her blonde companion. "I guess I'll see you later then."

"Yeah."  
. . .

A/N – hoped you enjoyed. Next chapter tomorrow night! It's a good one!


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N - Hello again! Okay, so this story has been completely from Alex's point of view, but in this chapter, I needed to get it from Olivia's point of view also. And, this chapter is sort of graphic. Sort of. Trigger Warning for rape/talking about rape._

_Rating: M_

**Chapter 3**

_Friday_

Another two days passed before Olivia would finally have a chance to get away from the precinct and take days off. She texted Alex about the upcoming trial, her tone in the text hopeful about its outcome. Alex, however, knew the facts and everything that had developed over the past 48 hours did not bode well for the prosecution. Lucas was deemed competent for trial, that was a plus, but something happened that changed the course of the trial.

When the detectives couldn't get a hold of Alice Parker to have her pick Lucas out of a lineup, her landlady let them in. Olivia was the first to find her, dead on her couch. Dr. Warner's autopsy showed that she had a heart attack. Alex had worried from the time that Olivia told her about the old woman and everything she had been through, that Mrs. Parker might not make it through the harrowing experience of recounting all that had happened to her again and again. She was sure everyone else had worried about the same thing, but Mrs. Parker had seemed so vibrant and sturdy. And now their star witness and only victim was gone, not to mention the fact that Lucas was never officially picked out of a lineup.

The only things the prosecution had going for them were the DNA all over Mrs. Parker's apartment as well as the plethora of information Rolllins had uncovered about Lucas. Apparently he had raped and tortured women all along the eastern seaboard, and the only reason he wasn't behind bars was a long list of technicalities. He slipped through the cracks every time because of one thing or another, slimy as a snake, and he had never been convicted of rape in any of the cases. But there was always hope, Alex knew that. He might slip up at trial, the jury might see right through his façade for the predator he really was.  
. . . . . .

Her pile of papers steadily diminished over a period of several hours, Alex had been on a roll since lunch that day and didn't want to stop the productivity. Soon Olivia would text about the trial's outcome and good or bad, they would meet up and maybe grab something to eat.

Everything lately had been bad timing. Karaoke was good timing, but after that night, everything else had gone downhill steadily. Olivia hadn't been home to sleep, either to her apartment or to Alex's, since the previous Saturday night. It was now Friday night and Alex was a little stir crazy, Olivia surely was as well. She wanted desperately to get her paperwork done, prepare as much as she could for upcoming cases so that when SVU's trial was over, she could finally see Olivia and they could pick up where they had left off.

Her phone buzzed vibrantly on the corner of her desk. Olivia Benson.

"Liv," she said brightly, wanting to hear the brunette's voice again after almost an entire day of silence from her end.

"Hey." She sounded crushed. That wasn't good. Alex had figured as much.

"It didn't go well?"

"No, it didn't. It was a big mess. No prior convictions, Barba wasn't on his A-game and to top it off, our lab screwed up and contaminated the DNA evidence, mixed it with the victim's. Judge declared a mistrial."

"That's impossible," Alex said disbelievingly, Melinda Warner ran a tight ship down there, mistakes in the lab rarely happened.

"Apparently not. The rush we put on it must've messed them up somehow. One of the lab techs combined the two DNA samples on the same tray. He walked, Alex."

"God, Liv, I'm sorry. I wish it had gone differently."

"Me too. You want to come to my place? I'm beat. And Cragen ordered me to take two days off."

"Sure, I'll finish up here and see you there in about thirty minutes."

"Okay, bye."

…..

_**Olivia**_  
Olivia turned the corner to her hallway, head down, deep in thought about everything that had happened over the past week. It had been a whirlwind. First Alex and karaoke and kissing her and then this case and everything had just gone to shit. She just knew they were going to find some way to get him, to put him away for good. How such a horrible person could get away with everything he did was beyond her. Sometimes the justice system didn't quite work in their favor. It was like Alex always used to tell her. Find a way. There's always another way.

Well, he was back out on the streets now and he was sure to find someone else to torture.

"Liv," a gruff voice pulled her out of her trance-like state and she shook herself mentally, chastising herself for not paying attention to her surroundings like she was trained to do. Looking down the hall, she tensed up, not quite knowing what to expect and then relaxed as she recognized the voice and the face that went with it.

Brian Cassidy was standing outside her door, leaning against the wall, his foot propped up behind him, probably leaving a scuff mark she would have to scrub out later. _What the hell is he doing here_? she wondered as she approached him.

"Brian, what's going on?" she asked, thinking that if he was here unannounced, something bad must have happened with him. Or to him. He probably needs help.

"I should've texted you first, I know," he started, his eyes bright. "But I just really wanted to see you. I hate the way we left things and I wanted to see if you'd be interested in trying again."

Olivia paused outside her door, standing in front of him and dumbfounded that he had the gall to show up at her doorstep after everything he had said to her. He didn't trust her. He never had faith in her, just expected her to throw him under the bus like everyone else had. Obviously Brian didn't know her very well. She was loyal to the end.

"You left, Brian. You said you didn't think I ever believed you. You never trusted me. How can you want a relationship with me if you don't trust me?"

He looked up and down the hall, an uneasy expression on his face. He knew she was right, he looked guilty of everything she was saying.

"I do trust you, Liv. Look, can we just go inside and talk about this?"

Olivia looked at her watch. Another fifteen minutes and Alex would be there. She rolled her eyes and set her shoulders, taking out her key to unlock her door and deciding to hear him out and then send him on his way. She had moved on, officially, and was happy about it.

She shut the door behind them, leaving it unlocked, knowing that he would be leaving in about five minutes. They stood awkwardly on opposite sides of the kitchen, Olivia set her badge and gun on the counter, pushed them back out of the way. She ran her hands through her hair.

"Brian, I'm sorry, but . . . "

"Wait, Liv," he cut her off. "Before you say anything, just hear me out." She nodded, staring at him, inwardly wondering how long this would take.

"I was an idiot to leave like I did. I really was. I shouldn't have said those things I said, but I was scared. I hate admitting that, you know, but I was. I had this fear that everything I had worked for was going down the toilet, everything was slipping right out of my hands and nothing was going right. So, in my head I thought, there's no way she'll want to be with me when I have all this baggage, when I'm about to get thrown in prison for something I didn't do. I didn't think there was any way you'd ever believe that I was telling the truth, because everything was so stacked against me. I was giving up, basically."

"But I never did give up on you. I was always supportive, and I don't know how you didn't see that."

"I should have seen it. I realize I've made a huge mistake and I want to ask for your forgiveness. I want to start again."

Olivia shook her head. Laughed cynically. She motioned to her watch.

"Too little, too late. It's been what? Two, three weeks since you left? Honestly, Brian, you never did treat me like I deserved to be treated. And I've moved on. I'm dating someone else now."

He looked slightly shocked, as if he expected her to sit around and wait for him to come back. But that wasn't her style. Never had been.

"Who?"

She shook her head, walked the short distance to the door and started to open it, started to open her mouth to tell him who, to see the look on his face when she said it, but something caught her attention. A faint clicking noise around the corner towards her bedroom. It sounded like . . . but no, it couldn't be.

Glancing over in the general direction of the noise, she saw Brian look as well out of her peripheral . He must have heard it too. In slow motion it seemed like, things like that always seemed to happen in slow motion, a figure stepped around the corner and advanced slowly on them, holding a gun out in front with both hands.

It was dark in the hallway and Olivia couldn't make out exactly who it was, but her blood ran cold thinking about who it might be. Who else could it be? Who else would be in her apartment with a gun tonight? She hoped briefly that it might be Elliot, maybe he just happened to be hanging out in her apartment, he had a key after all. Elliot, advancing on Brian Cassidy with a gun, ready to save the day. Wouldn't it be wonderful?

But no. The figure stepped further out of the darkness and into the brightly lit kitchen and there was no mistaking who it was.

William Lucas.

In the flesh, with a very real gun aimed directly at her heart, William Lucas was standing in her kitchen. How he got into her apartment, she had no idea. But now was not the time to worry about that. Now was the time to figure out how to survive. Brian was with her, that was a plus. But they were both at a disadvantage. She was now unarmed, her gun on the opposite side of the kitchen, and Brian, if he was armed, wouldn't have the element of surprise or enough time to pull his weapon and fire.

"Hello, Detective Benson," Lucas said, and her heart started beating again, pounding furiously now against her chest.

"I wasn't expecting you to have company," he paused, glancing over at Brian. "Well, not company of the _male_ variety anyway."

_What the hell does he mean by that?_ Olivia wondered, but said nothing. Her mind was racing to figure out how to stop him, how to disarm him, anything to stay alive.

"But that's okay. I don't mind having another guy around. It will be fun to have somebody watch. Maybe he can even jump in and have some fun with me."

Olivia swallowed hard. This wasn't the first time she had been threatened with rape. She had begun to think that it came with the territory of a woman who is constantly surrounded by rapists. The closest she had ever been was undercover in the women's prison and she came eye to eye with a prison guard's dick. That, in itself, had been traumatizing. She felt helpless, caged, and hopeless. All the fight she could give wasn't enough to stop him, especially after he pulled his gun, and if it weren't for Fin getting there just in time, she might have needed several more years of PTSD therapy.

But here she was again, in the same type of situation. A gun trained on her, a deranged psychopath ready to do as much damage as he could to her body and mind. There had to be a way out. If she could just get him talking, get him to focus on her, maybe Brian could sneak around behind him and take him out.

"Don't even think about trying something, Detective. I can read you like a book. Your mind is working overtime, isn't it? Trying to figure out how you might live through this night. Well, that is doubtful."

His voice was cold, calculating. He had thought about and planned this thoroughly. "I found an extra pair of handcuffs in one of your drawers, Detective Benson. Wonder what you need two pairs of handcuffs for? Hmmm?"

_Shit, shit, shit._ Thought Olivia. This was not going well. He pulled the cuffs out of his back pocket and tossed them to her. She caught them, however unwillingly.

"Why don't you hold on to those until we get in the bedroom. You have your other cuffs with you, don't you?" She didn't have to answer. He knew she did. He had seen her put down her gun and badge, but the cuffs were still clipped to the back of her belt.

"Good. Well, then, why don't you lead us to your bedroom, and we can start the festivities."

She didn't have a choice. Brian glanced at her, made solid eye contact and Olivia wanted so badly to talk to him, to ask him if he had his gun, to ask him how they were going to get out of this mess. She didn't trust herself to speak, much less trust Lucas not to hurt her if she did. If she was going to make a move to save herself and Brian, it needed to be soon. She couldn't let him get these handcuffs on her. Opening the door to her bedroom, her eyes went wide at what she saw. He really had prepared for this, there were leather cuffs on either side of her bedpost and two for the feet as well. Several feet of nylon rope lay coiled up on the floor near the bed, along with an assortment of other torture devices, a ball gag, several lighters and a pack of cigarettes, her old wooden baseball bat and a variety of her own kitchen knives were all neatly lined up on her dresser.

_Shit._

She started to panic. He was going to kill them both before the night was over, but not before thoroughly torturing and humiliating them.

"I know you're thinking about doing something crazy right now, Detective Benson, and I'm sure your friend here is too. But let me assure you, I will not hesitate to shoot you in the back of your heads right now if you make any sudden movements. One of you will die right away, and the other I will simply torture as I had planned."

He was like a mind-reader, able to sense exactly what she was about to do. But regardless, she would be dead either way by tomorrow. She had to do something. Before she could think another thought, a whooshing noise went straight to her ear and made sudden, hard contact with the side of her head. And then there was darkness.

She regained consciousness soon afterwards with a pounding and roaring sensation in her ears. Finally, like coming up from deep, murky water, she was able to hear and see again. The first thing she heard was a low moaning to her left. Eyes opening slowly, the soft light of her bedroom looked familiar and frightening at the same time as she remembered what had happened. Looking to her left, she saw Brian sitting up in the chair that was normally across the room. His hands were cuffed together underneath the seat, preventing him from sliding his arms over the back of the chair. The ball gag kept him from speaking, his legs were tied with the nylon rope to each leg of the chair, and he was bleeding.

That was where the moaning was coming from. He had two, long identical cuts on each arm from the top of the deltoid to his elbow. They didn't look terribly deep, but blood was oozing steadily out of them. His lip was pretty bloodied up as well.

"Brian? You okay?" she managed to get out before a hand flew from nowhere, slapping her hard across the face. Her head whipped to the side and for the first time she realized that she was tied to the bed, both hands and feet were restrained. But she was still fully clothed, thank god. Warm liquid ran down the side of her face. Must have cut her head when he hit her across the head with his gun. Her head pounded and her ears hurt.

"You shut your mouth, you little bitch," Lucas growled, close to her ear. She couldn't move, only buck her hips and turn her head side to side. Both of these, she did, until . . . she felt the cool metal of his gun press against her temple. Her body stilled.

"I know what you are, Detective Benson . . ." he said, glancing over at Brian. "Does he?"

Olivia stared at him, still confused as to what he meant. _Is he talking about the _femalecompany_ he mentioned earlier?_

"Oh," Lucas started, running his hand lightly along her arm, down to her torso. She resisted the urge to shy away from him, knowing he would use it to his advantage. "He doesn't. You haven't told him."

Brian's eyes traveled over to the two of them, making momentary eye contact with Olivia, questioning. _What is he talking about?_

"Yes. Detective Benson here has traded you in for a woman. A lovely woman, don't get me wrong," Lucas snarled, his eyes gleaming at Brian. "But a woman just the same."

Olivia could see Brian's expression. Besides the fear and dread of knowing you're about to die, he was puzzled.

"Yeah, she's a dyke. My lawyer saw the two of them outside the precinct the other day kissing in front of God and everybody. I mean, shit, if they're gonna do that kind of thing, at least keep it behind closed doors, right?"

He leaned down close to her, his hand sliding up to her throat, closing around it in a vice-like grip. He squeezed, hard. Air. She needed air, and his hand was preventing her from breathing, from getting the air she needed.

"But don't worry, Detective Benson. Your man and I are going to make sure you know what it's like to be with a _real_ man. You're going to beg for mercy, Detective. But we're not going to give it to you, are we? You're going to do things you never thought possible."

This time Olivia couldn't help herself, she shivered visibly. Her terror and dread of what was to come was now palpable. She couldn't resist it any longer, and tears started falling down her cheeks, knowing full well what was about to happen to her.

…..

_**Alex**_

Alex crouched down in the hallway, Olivia's gun clutched with both hands. It felt foreign and heavy, and she had no idea how to use it. It couldn't be that hard, right? Was there a safety? She felt around for one, found a little lever and flipped it down, hoping that was right. Was it loaded? Surely it was. Olivia always needed to be ready to fire if she had to. She'd seen this on TV. Pulling back on the top of the gun, it was more difficult than she expected, but she saw a bullet in there. That was good. Her hands trembled. That was not good.

She had already called Fin and he told her to stay calm, not to do anything stupid, that help was on the way. But it wasn't that simple. Every word that monster had said, she heard from the hallway. He was minutes, maybe seconds away from raping Olivia, maybe even killing her. She had to do something. She couldn't just sit out here in the hall and do nothing.

Thinking back to the past five minutes, Alex couldn't believe everything that was happening. It was like a dream. Or more like a nightmare.

_Making her way out of the elevator and down Olivia's hallway, she carried two bags of takeout, excited to finally see her detective again. She knew Olivia would be downtrodden and sad about the trial not going well, but she did have two days off thanks to Cragen. So Alex had been coming up with all sorts of ways to cheer up the brunette in her mind for the past thirty minutes._

_But when she got to Olivia's door, she tried the knob just because, knowing that it would be locked. It always was, because the detective was adamant about her safety. But this time it was not locked. That was strange. She opened the door quietly, looking around the kitchen and saw Olivia's gun and badge over on the counter. So she was here. Opening her mouth to call out to the brunette, her voice caught in her throat at a noise from the bedroom. _

"Brian? Are you okay_?" It was Olivia's voice._

_Olivia's voice, asking about Brian. She sounded frightened. But why would she be asking about Brian? Was he here? Why? Alex felt a pang of jealousy, the same she felt when she first heard about the two of them together at the water cooler. But something was off. She and Brian were in the bedroom and Olivia was asking if everything was okay. _

_And then she heard another voice. A voice that was definitely not Olivia and definitely not Brian's. Her feet carried her closer to the hallway, closer to Olivia's bedroom. _

"You shut your mouth you little bitch_"_

_Her eyes went wide. What the hell? And then it dawned on her. _

_The guy from the case. What was his name? Lucas or something. She crept back from where she came, back into the kitchen. Pulling her phone out, her mind went temporarily blank. Who would she call? Elliot? 911? _

_Stepping out into the hall, she selected Fin's name in her contacts and prayed he would answer right away. He did. _

"_Alex, what's up?" _

"_Fin, thank god. Listen. I need help." She was quiet. Almost whispering in the hallway._

"_What do you need?" His voice immediately changed from friendly to business._

"_I'm at Liv's apartment and something's wrong. I think Lucas is here and he's got Liv and Brian Cassidy in her bedroom."_

"_Lucas?" Fin asked. "You mean William Lucas, from our case? He's there?"_

"_Yes, I need you to get here, fast." She was panicking. Something bad was about to happen to Olivia and she wasn't doing enough to stop it._

"_Okay, I'm on my way with help. Does he know you're there?"_

"_No, of course not. What should I do?" She listened intently by the door for any sounds from inside. There was no way to know what was happening in the bedroom, it was too far away to hear._

"_Just stay there. Don't let him know you're there. We'll be there soon." He hung up and Alex had never felt so terrified. And helpless._

_She crept back into the kitchen and looked for a long moment at Olivia's gun. The decision was easy. If things got too bad in there, she would have to do something about it. There was no way of knowing when Fin would show up and Olivia could die at any time. Moving quietly into the kitchen, she grasped the gun, feeling its heft and trying not to think about what it was capable, and tiptoed to the hallway. _

And now Alex was listening to Lucas sneer and rant about Olivia being a 'dyke' and all about how she needed to keep that sort of thing behind closed doors. Her heart dropped in her chest. Maybe if she hadn't started all of this with Olivia, she wouldn't be in this situation.

She heard his voice again.

"_But don't worry, Detective Benson. Your man and I are going to make sure you know what it's like to be with a real man. You're going to beg for mercy, Detective. But we're not going to give it to you, are we? You're going to do things you never thought possible."_

And softly, almost imperceptibly through the slightly open door, she heard a quiet sob. _Oh shit. Olivia._ Chancing a glance in the room, she could see Lucas' back and at that moment, he threw his shirt on the floor, whipped off his belt and started to take his pants off.

A fiery fury surged through her veins, coupled with an almost crippling fear, and her body took over. Shouldering her way through the door, it slammed open and three pairs of surprised eyes were now on her. She raised the gun to shoulder level, holding it with both hands, slightly trembling hands, and pointed it at Lucas.

"What the . . . ?" he said as he turned around and frantically looked for his gun. He had set it down on the bedside table, now six or seven feet away from him.

"Don't move," Alex said, her voice stronger than she expected. She glanced at Olivia, then quickly at Brian who was slightly bewildered still, and back to Olivia. Her brown eyes were filled with emotion. Still watery from a moment before and now terrified that Alex was in the same room as this monster.

"Pull your pants up, you sick bastard," she said coldly.

He complied, keeping his beady eyes on her, pulling up his pants slowly and buttoning them at the top. "Ah . . ." he said at last. "I know who you are. You're Detective Benson's dyke girlfriend aren't you?"

A confused, but muffled "Huh?" came from Brian across the room. But Alex didn't have time for him. Apparently, neither did Lucas.

"Shut up," they both said at the same time.

He grinned maliciously at her, holding out his hands. "You know . . ." he started. "I'm going to enjoy torturing the three of you. I've never had this many at once. So many possibilities." He trailed off, still smiling at her.

"Don't do anything stupid," for the first time, Olivia spoke. Alex wasn't sure if she was talking to her or to Lucas. Probably both. She wanted desperately to tell Olivia that help was on the way, that all she had to do was fend Lucas off for a few more minutes and it would all be over. But she didn't want to give him any information.

"I would never . . ." Lucas trailed off mid-sentence, surprising Alex as he lunged towards her. Apparently he didn't think she had it in her to shoot him. But everything happened so quickly and in a flash it was all over. She saw his eyes grow wide and his body grew bigger and bigger as he flew closer to her, ready to tackle her to the ground. Alex squeezed the trigger once and sound exploded around her. She wasn't prepared for the kick.

He was close, maybe three feet away, and she hadn't missed. He stopped abruptly, his body jerking back with the force of the shot.

Blood slowly seeped from a gaping wound in his chest and he stood and stared down at it with wide, disbelieving eyes.

Alex couldn't believe it either. She didn't need to fire any more shots, however, as he sank to his knees and raised a hand to his bare chest, trying half-heartedly to stop the blood. And, as it turned out, her timing was impeccable.

"Alex!" It was Fin from the kitchen, but she couldn't speak. There were sirens outside, she could hear them now but she was frozen, with the gun still pointed at him. Several uniformed police officers burst in the bedroom behind her, weapons drawn and pointed at Lucas. He collapsed on the floor and the officers took over handling him.

Fin was behind her, radioing for an ambulance. He gently took hold of her arms, taking the gun out of her still shaking hands. Her eyes went to Olivia, still tied up but fully clothed on the bed. Olivia's mouth was open, eyes as wide as everyone else's, unable to believe what just happened.

Fin pulled her slowly towards the bed, away from Lucas and the blood, and left her standing next to Olivia while he untied Brian from the chair. They made eye contact, Alex's blue eyes quickly filled up with tears at how close she had come to witnessing something horrible happen to this woman.

"Alex," Olivia said quietly. "You saved me."

But the blonde could only shake her head. She had only acted out of fear, and she didn't see any heroism at all in shooting someone in the chest, probably killing him. She was only trying to stop him. Tears continued falling down her cheeks.

Olivia cleared her throat. Alex looked at her. "Can you . . . um . . ."

"Oh god. Yes, of course. I'm sorry," Alex stammered, quickly making use of her shaky hands to free Olivia from the leather straps binding her hands and feet.

Pulling Olivia up by the arms, Alex wrapped her own arms around the brunette's body, holding her close in a tight hug. "Are you okay?" she asked, pulling back and looking into brown eyes. "Did he hurt you?" She turned Olivia's head in her hands and looked at the rapidly drying blood there. "He hit you?"

Nodding her head, Olivia hugged her again. "Yeah, he knocked me out. Bastard hit my from behind. But it would have been a lot worse. If it wasn't for you." She pulled back, glancing over at Brian. "How are those cuts? You gonna live?"

He nodded, unable to look at Olivia, and Fin squeezed his shoulder. "They're not very deep. I'll be okay."

"We'll get him cleaned up outside and get out of here. Whenever you're ready Liv, if you can give a statement to one of these guys."

"Sure, Fin. Thanks." Olivia's eyes finally met Brian's as he turned to leave the room and he gave her a small smile, one that said he hoped she would be happy. Her gaze then traveled down to where Lucas lay in a pool of his own blood, his eyes were still open. He was still alive. The EMTs had arrived and were loading him onto a stretcher, administering oxygen and trying to stop the blood. She turned to Alex.

"I don't think I can stay here anymore, Alex."

"Let's go to my apartment for the night then."

"No, I mean. . . I can't stay here at all anymore. Too much has happened in here. Too many guys have broken in and tried to hurt me. I think I need a new apartment."

"You want to talk about it more tomorrow?" Now wasn't the time to be making brash decisions, with emotions still running high and adrenaline still flowing. Olivia nodded.

"Let's go sit in the living room then and wait for an officer. Maybe somebody can look at your head, too." They walked out, stepping around the pool of blood on the wood floor and into the hallway where Alex had crouched, waiting, wondering if she should act or not. In the living room, they sat down together on the couch. Olivia turned to her, taking both of Alex's hands in her own, her eyes earnest and still carrying worry.

"When he showed up around that corner, I completely forgot that you were coming, all I could think about was how to get out of this alive. And when you showed up in there with a gun. . . God, Alex. I didn't know what to think."

She smiled, squeezing Olivia's hands. "Me neither. I didn't think. I just, I don't know. The minute I saw him taking his clothes off, ready to hurt you, I just couldn't wait for Fin any longer." More tears flowed down her face.

"I can't believe I shot a man. He might die, Olivia. I might be a murderer."

Olivia didn't hesitate. Reaching up to grasp Alex's face in her hands, she stared intently in the blonde's eyes.

"If he does die, Alex, you are **not** a murderer. You acted in self-defense and in mine and Brian's defense. Well, hopefully more for me than for Brian." At this, Alex let out a tearful laugh.

"You saved my life, Alex. He was going to kill me. If you hadn't called Fin, he would have. If you hadn't come in and stopped him, he would have raped me. And god, if Cassidy hadn't shown up, you would've walked in next and he would have gotten you too."

Alex nodded. She knew this, but she had never hurt anyone so seriously before and it was a little traumatizing. Gulping back her tears, she wiped at her eyes.

"So what was Brian Cassidy doing here in the first place?" she asked, trying to keep the contempt in her voice to a minimum.

Olivia smiled, glancing at her front door where Brian had recently exited. "Actually, he was trying to ask for my forgiveness, to get me to take him back."

"Oh, really?" Alex said, the jealous little monster in her heart returning to taunt her.

"Yes, really. But do you know what I told him?"

"What?" Alex's eyes were hopeful as Olivia gazed into them.

"I told him that he was wrong for what he did to me and that I was over him. So over him in fact that I was dating someone new, someone who I know will love me how I deserved to be loved."

Love. Olivia had said it. Alex had been feeling it for the past ten years or so, but had never put a word to it. Olivia's hands covering up her bleeding shoulder wound outside of that bar so many years ago, begging her not to die. Olivia's expression when she showed up again, alive, but ready to be whisked away into witness expression. Her face had 'how could you do this? How could you do this when we were just getting to be close?' written all over it. Olivia's expression again when she returned from witness protection. She could see all those times how much the detective missed her and wanted her, she just never had the guts to do anything about it. How long had they loved each other? How long had they been denying it to themselves?

Alex took a deep breath. Too long. "You're right, Liv. I am going to love you like you deserve. I'm going to love you to make up for all the years that I didn't have the courage to. I'm going to love you for as long as you'll let me."

Olivia smiled and leaned in, kissing the blonde attorney softly on the lips, pulling her as close as their seated positions on the couch would allow. Alex's heart fluttered furiously against her chest, giddy with delight at the simple fact that this incredible woman could possibly love her in return.

"I love you, Alex."

Through soft, intermittent kisses, Alex grinned. "I love you too, Liv."

Above them, a uniformed police officer cleared his throat. They broke apart, Alex's cheeks burning red.

"Sorry to interrupt, Detective. But Detective Tutuola over there told me I've got to take your statement." Olivia glanced over at the doorway at Fin, who stood facing them with his arms crossed, grinning like a fool at the two women. She rolled her eyes and stood up.

_A/N – Hope you enjoyed. One more chapter and this story is done!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Breathing was difficult. Seeing was difficult. The smoky haze around her peripheral vision made it hard to focus. Alex was almost choking on it. But the hindrances to her vision and breathing did nothing to obstruct her ability to hear. And the noise coming from around the corner in the bedroom was both unexpected and alarming. At first, when she realized where she was and that she might be in danger, Alex wanted to run. Wanted to flee and keeping running and never look back. But as soon as she heard the noise, she knew she couldn't leave.

It was definitely Olivia's voice, of that she was certain. But what was happening in there to cause her to make those sounds?

Alex tiptoed around the corner, gazing through the gap in the open door. The sound was louder now. It was Olivia, groaning, crying out in pain. The door wasn't open wide enough for her to see anything inside, but her curiosity and overwhelming need to help the brunette defeated the alarms in her brain that were screaming, DANGER, DANGER, DON'T GO IN THERE!

Her fingertips found the edge of the door, pushing it open slowly as she stepped into the room. The sight before her was horrifying. He was on top of her, one leg between hers and the other on the outside of her leg. She was naked, completely nude, and tied up on the bed with leather cuffs. There was blood everywhere.

His hands were around her neck, they were covered in blood. Her blood. And her eyes, Alex could see them from where she stood. The light was slowly leaving them. That light, that precious life Alex had so cherished, that passion for other people and love for helping people was leaving the woman she loved. Olivia's very soul was about to leave her body, and Alex could do nothing about it.

**BANG!**

A gunshot rang out from somewhere behind her and she jumped, the noise temporarily deafening her. A searing pain ripped through her right shoulder and she looked down. Her hands were covered in blood. The exact same shade as Olivia's. Olivia's blood on her hands. And Alex knew she was dying, too. But it wasn't fair. Why should Olivia die? She was good, and deserved to live. The world deserved to have her. Why couldn't she die instead of Olivia?

Maybe, just maybe. If she could get her attention, could get Olivia to look at her, maybe she could help her live. Maybe she could convince the detective to keep fighting, to stay alive despite his hands tightening around her neck. But he looked back at Alex, just then, his eyes were gleaming with malice, and he smiled at her. Alex could see the muscles in his arms flex as he squeezed and she knew that it was almost over. But she couldn't move. She was stuck to the floor covered in Olivia's blood and her shoulder was on fire from the wound. If only she could reach Olivia, maybe she help.

"Olivia!" she screamed, sure that her love was gone, certain that he had drained the life right out of her.

"Olivia! Liv, please don't leave me. Please!"

"_Alex_." A faraway voice was calling to her. Olivia's eyes were closing across the room, but Alex could hear her voice, somehow.

"_Alex_!" Finally, like stepping out of the thick fog she'd been walking through, she was able to see and speak properly. Alex thrashed about in the bed, trying desperately to get away from him. His presence was still all around her, she could sense it. He was nearby, close to her, ready to strangle her and worse with his bare hands.

She wormed her way to the other side of the bed and into a solid body and a strong pair of arms. The arms wrapped themselves around her body, and she fought against them momentarily until she heard the voice from above her head.

"Alex, wake up. I'm right here."

"He's here, Liv. Where is he?" she asked frantically, sure that her dream was real, that he was still in the room.

"No one is here. Only me. You're safe. We're both safe," Olivia soothed, pulling Alex into more of a sitting position until they were both sitting up against the headboard.

"It was so real," Alex breathed, believing at last that it had only been a dream.

"I know. I know it was."

Tilting her head up to look into the brunette's eyes, Alex gripped her arms even tighter. "He had you on the bed again and you were screaming and hurt and there was blood and . . . the gun. It was so loud . . ." she trailed off, her voice breaking at the end as tears started to well up in her eyes.

"Shhh. . . Alex. It's okay." Olivia drew light designs with her fingertips across Alex's back, trying to calm her down. And eventually she relaxed into the brunette's arms, content that they were both going to be okay.

"Go back to sleep. I'm right here." And she did, her eyes closed slowly as a more peaceful sleep came over her.

…

Opening her eyes to the warm, bright light on her face, Alex guessed by the sun that it was around nine in the morning. The solid warmth behind her shifted, and she turned her head to stare into the brunette's still-closed eyes. She smiled and ran her hand softly over the tanned hand draped across her stomach. Stretching her neck back, Alex pressed her lips to the detective's, effectively waking her up. Her eyes opened gradually as she blinked the sleep from them and Alex lost herself in their dark brown depths. Leaning down to kiss the blonde again, Olivia grinned when they broke apart, as much in awe of getting to wake up in Alex's arms as Alex was to wake up in hers.

"Did you manage to get any sleep?" Alex asked, rolling over and stretching her legs beneath the blanket, curling her back and neck like a cat. Olivia watched every movement, subtle as it was beneath the blue sheet.

"I did," Olivia nodded, and her eyes filled with concern. "And you? Any more bad dreams?"

Alex shook her head, although the memory of the dream was still fresh and vivid in her mind. She rubbed her temples, sitting up in bed.

"God, it was horrible."

"I know. You were screaming," Olivia said quietly.

Looking down at her hands, Alex let out a prolonged sigh. "I'm sorry."

Olivia reached out for Alex's hand, finding it and holding it in her own, she intertwined their fingers and squeezed until Alex met her eyes. "Don't apologize, Alex. You just went through something traumatic. I'm surprised you slept at all."

Alex shook her head. "How do you do it?" she asked. "You've seen so much, been through so much. How do you do it? How do you not fall apart?"

Shrugging, Olivia pulled Alex's hand up to her mouth and kissed it gently. "I don't know, Alex. I've wondered the same thing so many times. I just think of all those people who need my help, victims who can't speak for themselves, and I just wake up the next morning and go to work. The nightmares aren't so bad after a while."

She reached over and pushed a strand of hair behind Olivia's ear, then she leaned over and kissed her on the lips, gently holding the contact for a moment before she pulled away.

"Mmmm," Olivia said. "You want breakfast?"

Alex smiled. "I do. But it's my turn." She pushed the detective towards the bathroom as she rolled off the other side of the bed and made her way towards the kitchen. Turning back before she reached the door to her bedroom, Alex turned and met Olivia's gaze. The brunette had an over overdramatically worried look on her face. Rolling her eyes, Alex pointed her finger at Olivia.

"I'm not going to start a fire. I _can_ cook a few things."

Raising her arms in mock surrender, Olivia stepped into the bathroom and started the water for a shower.

…

Alex had already started soaking the thick, several days old bread in a sweet egg mixture and was ready to put them in a hot pan when Olivia walked into the kitchen, clean from the shower, wearing sweatpants and yet another of Alex's old t-shirts even though she brought plenty of her own clothing from her apartment last night. Giving her an appraising look, Alex smiled and sprayed the pan with oil, turning her attention back to the stove. As soon as the French toast hit the pan, Olivia sniffed appreciatively and stepped up behind the blonde to observe over her shoulder.

"No fires yet?"

Alex threw a gentle elbow in the brunette's direction, and although she made contact and Olivia gave an _umph_ sound, she smiled as the woman behind her slid her hands around the blonde's stomach. She took her time, feeling through her t-shirt the trim muscles Alex had run so many miles for. The feeling of the brunette's hands on her was heavenly, and as soon as she finished the first piece of toast, she took the pan off the heat and turned in Olivia's arms. Their lips met and Alex relished the sweet taste of the soft interior of the woman's mouth.

A buzzing noise distracted Alex from across the kitchen. She opened her eyes, glanced over Olivia's shoulder as she made a line of kisses down Alex's neck.

"Liv, your phone," she whispered. She didn't want to distract the detective, but it was probably important, and she knew that as well as anyone. Olivia kissed her several more times, taking her time until she finally gave one more quick peck to the blonde's lips before she turned and hurried across the kitchen to pick up the still buzzing phone. She glanced quickly at the name on the screen.

"Hey, Cap," she said into the speaker. Alex turned and watched, picking up her coffee mug as she leaned against the counter and took a sip. Olivia nodded, although there was no way Cragen could see the movement.

"Yes, I'm fine. Yeah, Alex is fine too." And at that, Olivia glanced up and winked at her. Alex flushed at the mention of her name to Olivia's superior officer.

"Well, I'll mention it to her, but I know what she'll say to that. Yes, sir, she's right here actually. Okay. . . Yeah."

Olivia listened for a few more seconds, opening her mouth, seemingly about to argue, Alex knew that look better than anyone, except maybe Cragen or Elliot. She shut it again right away, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.

"Yes, sir. Okay, thanks. Bye."

Setting the phone down on the counter, Olivia smiled, but her face held a lingering trace of disappointment.

"What did he say?"

"He asked about you, how you were doing. I said fine, but then he asked if you were really all right, if you needed to talk to anyone about what happened. And you heard what I said after that."

Alex nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, then frowned. Yes, she had a nightmare, but that was surely normal after going through something like that. "I don't need a shrink."

"I figured you'd say that. Anyway, he can set it up for you if you change your mind," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I told him I'd ask."

"What else did he say?" Olivia quirked an eyebrow at Alex's quick change of subject.

"He told me I needed to take a week off."

"And you were going to argue with him?" Alex asked incredulously. "Liv, you never take time off."

"I know. I'm not good at it. I was going to remind him about what happened last time he told me to take time off. Crazy man breaks into my apartment, almost kills us both."

Alex shivered slightly at the memory and the detective shot her an apologetic look, realizing right away that the joke wasn't funny. "Anyway, he wouldn't take no for an answer. As usual. So, I'm free for the week. Got any plans?"

Without answering, the blonde strode over to the bar, picked up her cell phone and dialed a number, placing the phone to her ear. After a moment, someone picked up on the other end.

"Hey, Jill." And then, "Yes, I'm doing well, thank you. Listen, when Monday rolls around, can you let Branch know I'm taking my time off for the week." She paused a moment, listening and then allowing a rueful smile.

"Yes, I know. I've been saving it up. Yep. Okay, thanks. Bye."

Olivia stared at her as she set her phone down and walked over to the stove as if nothing had happened, as if taking off a week from her job, the most important thing in her life, was no big deal.

"Nope, no plans," she said simply as she dumped the French toast onto a plate.

"You are incredible, you know that?" Olivia asked, moving behind the blonde to wrap her arms around the slim waist, pulling her body close and kissing her neck gently. Alex nodded in response.

"I do. I've always been incredible. But it's only recently that you've noticed." Grinning, Olivia reached back to pinch the blonde's backside playfully. Alex squealed and jumped at the gesture, turning to bat playfully at the brunette as she finished cooking the second piece of French toast.

"You have a big ego. And you don't know what you're talking about, Cabot. I've always known," Olivia said into her ear and Alex turned her head in response, lining up her lips with the brunette's and they kissed slowly, exploring each other. How easy would it be to let herself fall apart in this woman's arms? But her rumbling stomach convinced her otherwise.

Breaking apart, Alex stepped away, reaching for the plates and carrying them around the bar.

"Grab my coffee, Detective. And I do _not_ have a big ego." Olivia smiled despite the eye roll the argumentative woman incited.

"Do too," she mumbled, hoping the blonde wouldn't hear. Alex looked up sharply from her seat as she cut up her French toast into bite-sized pieces.

"Do you want my help searching for a new apartment or not?" Blanching, Olivia shot an apologetic look towards the seated woman and set both their coffee mugs down without another word.

"That's what I thought," Alex said quietly, taking a bite of the French toast and smiling to herself. Olivia smiled too, amazed at how whipped she truly was.

….

The day was filled with phone calls to realtors and meetings and walk-throughs of countless different apartments. They stopped for a quick snack in between appointments at around five that evening and picked right back up where they left off. Finally, around eight, when they were both exhausted and still Olivia wasn't satisfied with anything they'd seen, Alex suggested they head back her place for the night.

Safely inside the apartment, doors locked and shoes happily shorn, Olivia's eyes began to droop as she sat down heavily on the couch.

Alex walked directly to her, reaching down to grasp both Olivia's hands in her own and pulled. Groaning, Olivia complied and allowed herself to be hoisted right back up.

"Come on. Let's go to bed."

Olivia looked over at the wall clock. "It's only eight thirty."

Nodding, Alex continued to urge her towards the bedroom. "Yes, but you're exhausted and I'm exhausted and I want to sleep."

The dark-haired detective sighed, ran a hand through her hair. "You're right. I am tired."

Making themselves ready for bed, Olivia continued to yawn as she washed her face and brushed her teeth, grinning when she saw Alex trying to stifle her own yawn. "Stop that. It's contagious."

Alex nudged her, smiling around her toothbrush before she turned on the water briefly to spit in the sink. "It's your fault. You started it."

"Sure," Olivia joked as she put up her toothbrush and headed towards Alex's bed, throwing back the covers and sliding in, making sure her firearm and phone were nearby on the bedside table. Whether or not she was on duty didn't matter, especially after what they'd just been through.

Alex flipped off the light, slid in next to her and cuddled in close, reveling in the warmth the other woman provided. A thought suddenly occurred to her and she turned quickly to face the brunette, a question written over her features.

"Olivia?" The sparkling brown eyes that met her own were breathtaking, as usual.

"Yes?" Her breath was minty and slightly intoxicating. Alex had to consciously bring her own gaze up from Olivia's mouth back up to her eyes.

"Does it bother you that we haven't made love yet?"

Olivia's eyebrows furrowed. "Does it bother me?"

"Yes. We've slept together for several nights now and we've made out and all that but we haven't gone any further. Is that normal?"

The bed shook gently from Olivia's laughter. It was Alex turn to furrow her brow in confusion.

"What?"

"Alex. Really? Our relationship, considering our past and everything we've gone through with jobs and shootings and witness protection and Africa and all that is about as far as you can get from _normal_."

Nodding and slightly shrugging her shoulders in agreement, Alex continued to listen.

"And we just admitted to each other how we feel, what? A week ago?"

Alex nodded again. "Right. But don't you want to make love to me?"

Olivia let out a light scoff, her hands coming up to cup either side of Alex's face. She leaned in and gently pressed a kiss to her lips.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked. Alex just stared at her, unable to suppress her feelings of inadequacy, as rare and fleeting as they were. With Olivia, these rare feelings were stronger than ever. Professionally, Alex was fearless, but this was different. This was Olivia.

"Alex. You're the most beautiful, incredible woman I've ever known. Do I want to make love to you? God, yes. I've wanted to make love to you since the new millennium!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really. But we've waited more than ten years and I can wait a bit longer. I want it to be special. I want us both to be ready. I want to make love to you when both of us are fully awake and not exhausted and not drunk. The time hasn't happened yet, right?"

Alex smiled. With every word, she found herself falling more and more in love with this incredible woman. Not only was she kind and caring and tough and protective, but she was also chivalrous and romantic. What more could a girl ask for?

She leaned in, bringing their lips together and pulling the brunette's body closer to her own, they kissed and held each other. Alex fell asleep in her arms, listening to the steady sound of her heartbeat.

...

The next day was filled with more of the same activities, searching for an apartment. But it wasn't easy in New York City, finding a decent place with a good location, not too far from work with a decent security system.

But finally, finally, Olivia was sure she'd found the perfect place.

"Alex, this is it," Olivia said as she walked around the living room, glancing out the window at the view and staring down at the hardwood floors. The realtor had gone out in the hall to take a phone call, leaving them to explore at their own pace.

"I like it too," Alex said as she watched the detective move around the room, taking everything in. She smiled at the look on Olivia's face, like a kid on a Christmas morning. It was what she really she wanted.

"It's a little out of my price range, but I can't say no, can I? The security is really top-notch."

Alex shrugged. "That's up to you. It's your apartment. But I do like it. And it's not far from mine either."

Throwing a smile in the blonde's direction, Olivia nodded, walking again the bedroom to peek in and marvel at the master suite.

"It is. And it's not far from work either."

"Work, huh? You're gonna go back after all?"

Olivia shrugged, walking over to Alex and meeting her eyes. Olivia had been having doubts about how much longer she could work at SVU. All the things she'd been through had been adding up recently. Alex had let her vent and finally suggested she reduce the amount of cases she took on. Most people worked at SVU for a year tops. She was going on fifteen. "I thought hard about it."

"I knew you would."

"Yeah, and I can't quit. I just can't. SVU has been my whole life for almost 15 years and I'm not ready to give it up yet."

Smiling and taking the detective's face in her hands, Alex kissed her quickly.

"I know, Liv. I figured you changed your mind. You and I are birds of a feather. We'll retire when we're old and grey."

Her laugh rang out in the empty apartment. It sounded right at home, regardless of the lack of furniture and carpeting.

"We might be close already."

"Speak for yourself, detective," Alex said indignantly. "I'll always be the hot, blonde lawyer."

Olivia swatted at her playfully, but Alex dodged her with agile grace, and for a moment, her face grew serious.

"But seriously, Liv. Consider taking fewer cases?"

Olivia nodded reluctantly. "I will. Promise."

...

Outside, Olivia took a deep breath and looked appreciatively around her. Alex completely understood what she was feeling. Surviving a near death experience had a way of making you observe the world around you with a bit more scrutiny, a bit more gratitude. Olivia had already signed a contract for the apartment and was probably imagining what all her things would look like inside the new place. Her new safe haven.

"Take me on a date, Liv?"

Olivia turned and smiled, and she could have lit up the whole street with it, had it been dark.

"I would love to. Where would you like to go?"

"How about karaoke?"

An eyebrow quirked in her direction but Alex wasn't deterred, she held the detective's gaze with a straight face.

"Seriously?"

Alex nodded, and Olivia shrugged her shoulders and took the blonde's hand in her own.

...

Later that night, the doorknob to Alex's front door shook and rattled as someone tried to get it unlocked. A moment later, the lock released and the door flew open, a blurred mass of bodies stumbled inside.

It had rained again, and water ran off their coats in small rivers, drenching the tile in the entryway. A giggle came from one of the bodies, and her neck bent back until her head made contact with the wall. The giggle turned into a low, throaty moan as the second body pressed against the first.

Karaoke was fun. But this time they did more sitting back and watching than singing and revealing long-withheld secrets and attractions to each other. The cab ride over was even better. But Alex wasn't sure if she was going to be able to make it upstairs without falling apart, without turning into just another puddle on the slick sidewalk.

Once inside, however, she knew she would make it. She was wide awake, completely sober, ready and impatient. And Olivia was doing an incredible job of drawing out her torment, taking her time and exploring the new expanses of throat and collar bones that had yet to be touched.

Alex struggled out of her overcoat, trying to hang it up behind her on the coat rack without looking back. It fell to the floor in a heap, and she rolled her eyes in annoyance. Her eyes opened in surprise right after that when the dark-headed woman in her arms bit down on the space between her shoulder and neck.

Gasping now, she moved faster. She ignored her soaked overcoat crumpled on the floor and pushed Olivia's own coat down her arms, letting it slap to the floor next to hers. She reached over and locked the door, turned and pushed the brunette towards her bedroom. Olivia went willingly, eyes bright and twinkling with excitement.

In her bedroom, Alex wasted no time. She rushed the detective, their mouths met and hands wandered down to relieve each other of rain-dampened clothing. Two shirts hit the floor, followed by bras, and Alex paused, realizing they were both half naked, that a little bit further and there was no turning back. She glanced down, breathing hard, thinking about how much she had wanted this moment, how long it had taken them to get here.

Olivia sensed the hesitation, reaching across to hold Alex's face between her hands, a gesture Alex had come to associate with calm and care.

"What is it?"

"I don't know, nothing."

Olivia looked closer, forcing the blonde to look back into her eyes. She thought she understood.

"You're not ready."

Alex furrowed her brow. Shook her head.

"No. God, Liv. I'm so ready. I've wanted you, wanted this for so long."

"Me too. So what's wrong?"

Shaking her head, Alex smiled, took a breath. Olivia still seemed to think she was hesitating, unsure of what they were doing. She dropped her hands from Alex's face, grasped the blonde's hands in her own.

"Look, Alex. This is not the most important thing to me. Yes, I want to do this. I'm so attracted to you and I want to make love with you. But it's more important to me to simply BE with you. Everything else comes after that. You come first."

Alex was smiling, tears started pricking behind her eyes and she blinked and shook her head, embarrassed at how cheesy she was being. She leaned forward and kissed the dark-haired woman in front of her, caressing the side of her face. Pulling back, she opened her eyes.

"You're something else, you know that?" She started, laughing lightly. Olivia smiled too, still slightly perplexed.

"You've got me here with my top off, I almost came apart in the cab because of you and on top of that I'm soaked, and not just because of the rain. I appreciate you saying those things to me, Liv, but if you don't finish undressing me right now and throw me on that bed, we're going to have some serious problems."

Olivia stood there for a moment, blinking, before what Alex had said sank in. She wasted no more time, moving quickly but deliberately to undress the woman in front of her, putting her mouth and hands to every part of skin she uncovered.

They collapsed on the bed together, the duvet slid sideways and the throw pillows scattered on the floor. The feeling of skin on skin was other-worldly, almost ethereal. Alex cried out as Olivia found the parts of her body that demanded attention as if she'd been doing this sort of thing her entire life. Having never been with a woman, Alex didn't exactly know what she was doing, and she didn't think Olivia had ever been with a woman either. But it didn't seem to matter at that moment, their bodies moved together naturally, and their hands and mouths knew instinctively where to go. They were both women familiar with their own bodies after all.

Finally, Alex could no longer stand the teasing and gentle kisses. "Liv, I need more. I want you inside me." Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, low and throaty, breaking the relative quiet of the bedroom. Olivia responded without hesitation, exhaling, and flipping the blonde over. She slid herself up the length of Alex's body, her hand found Alex's center and she pushed inside. Eyes widening at the intrusion, Alex gasped and dug her fingernails into the brunette's back. A thousand neurons in her body had been set on fire with pleasure and Olivia pushed her up and up. Further towards the edge as the brunette's free hand touched her elsewhere, and her mouth was everywhere, on her lips down to her pulse point, to her collar bone and chest and finally to a distended nipple, latching itself on and sucking. She felt Olivia thrusting against her own hand, pushing her hand in further and giving herself pleasure at the same time and Alex couldn't believe the wetness they were creating together. She heard the brunette cry out above her, pressing hard with her hips onto her own hand.

And for several moments, Alex was sure she'd never felt pleasure like this until a new wave crashed upon her, exploding into smaller waves that hit her again and again and again. And she was shaking, trembling in Olivia's arms as she came back down, and the brunette kissed her forehead and cheeks and lips until she finally opened her eyes.

"Olivia," she said, quietly. "Yes?" Olivia said with a knowing smile.

"That . . . was. That was incredible."

"Yes it was."

Alex reached up, meeting Olivia's mouth with her own, and she felt the brunette trembling right along with her, aware that she had come right before Alex had.

"I love you. I love you so much."

Olivia kissed her again. "I love you too, Alex."

"Now," Alex said, reaching down for Olivia's hand. She found it and brought it up to her mouth, sliding the fingers that had recently been inside her past her lips and onto her tongue, tasting herself on the brunette's fingers. Enjoying the wide-eyed, surprised look Olivia was giving her as she did it, Alex released her fingers and grinned, rolling their bodies until she was on top. "You seem to be really good at this, and I want more. Let's go again."

Grinning, Olivia sat up, her arms supporting her weight behind her as she held the woman straddling her, she kissed Alex slowly.

"Mmmm," she murmured. "You're insatiable."

"I am. So get used to it, because I'm not going anywhere."

…..

_A/N – and that's all I've got folks! Thanks for reading and thanks especially to those who have reviewed so far. I appreciate you taking to the time to let me know what you thought_.


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